Tuesday, December 4, 2012

The Evolution of Shopping

In olden times women had few shopping options. They gathered berries and roots while they waited for their men to bring home a dead animal. When the smelly hunters returned with the bloody carcass, the women gathered around the fire to knaw off the layers of fat from the furs so they could have new outfits. There were no undergarments from Victoria’s Secrets in those days, so they went naked beneath the animal skins.
As they chewed the fat off the pelts, women chatted about current events—will Grog stay with Bertha, or is she leaving him for Brutus. Ever since that time we have referred to gossip sessions as “chewing the fat”.

Later generations of women evolved to knitting cotton and weaving wool. Along with the occasional fur, they could produce pullovers, baby booties, and basic undergarments—mostly beige. Stitching was faster and easier than waiting around, so styles changed more often. As they weaved and knitted, the women began to speak in earnest—mostly about Earnest. They spoke frankly, mostly about Frank. Women have been talking about men ever since.

Barely three centuries ago women demanded more options, so men invented looms to create cheaper clothes. The industrial era created an endless supply of garments, so women invented cafes and salons where they could drink coffee and talk about men from morning to night. Then they created ½ off sales.

Fast forward to today. Now we have H&M, Zara, and Wal-Mart. Chinese machines build clothing so cheap that you only have to wear it once. But how could women show each other all the cute things they were purchasing? One guy invented the Internet and another created Facebook so that women could all spend nearly every moment talking trash about men, complete with photos and accidentally released sex videos.  The gossip grew salacious and ubiquitous. Then it grew boring.

Finally a few women got tired of talking trash about men and started using all the new inventions to create their own businesses. They began using media to build fantastic business webs, like giant spider webs that move money and fashion around the globe at light speed. The shopping possibilities became endless.

Then in 2012—12/12/12 to be exact—Mia Sage unleashed How to Talk to Men. Women had been talking about men for thousands of generations. Suddenly they had a new language that enabled them to talk to men.
No one knows how this will turn out, what with men opening their businesses and their wallets to women. Will we achieve global wealth? Will high fashion invade every village and hamlet on earth? Will the billionaires of the future be mostly women?
Our species has enjoyed many breakthroughs over the eons, but none as significant as this. With conversation comes peace—the end of the age-old war between the sexes.
You might want to check out the Christmas sales at Macy’s, and then pick up a copy of Mia’s new book so you can see what everyone is talking about.
PS. Be sure to attend the HTTTM Launch Party, December 12. You can drive in, fly in, or Skype in to share a toast a have a few laughs with the global team.

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