Saturday, October 31, 2009

Let Your Heart Do the Talking

Men are animals. Well, technically, all people are members of the animal kingdom. And like all animals, humans respond more deeply to touch and movement than to words. That is why it is often better to use loving touch when you want to get through to your man.
Women frequently complain that their men won’t talk to them. What they mean is that men don’t talk like women. When women get together they seem to easily find words for how they feel. Men seem more likely to clam up.
In my experience men love to talk. They long to share their feelings. But they fear harming the ones they love. Their protective nature often makes them choose silence as a strategy to avoid conflict. Silence is our way of restraining our killer instinct. Men are born to protect their families by fighting. Our ancient brains evolved to insure the survival of our women and children on the savannah. Even today little boys imagine sticks as swords and fingers as guns. We nurture a deep secret need to be heroes to those we love. But we never want our capacity for violence to injure those we love. So we hold back our feelings to avoid escalating conflict that could bring out the fighter.
When we train courses for women they tend to listen carefully and play along to see what they can pick up. Men’s courses are different. Most guys prefer to argue and to challenge every word, as if talk were an attack. The difference is striking. Women use words to gather information. Men use words as weapons to claim territory for the hunt.
So, ironically, if you want to speak intimately with your man, you might want to try not speaking at all until you have soothed him with soft sounds and gentle caresses. Gentle touch creates gentle men. Quiet, receptive words assure your man that the battle is over--he can surrender into your loving appreciation.
I grew up on a farm, so I learned early that you calm animals with the voice and the hands. “Easy, easy now”, my grandfather would say before he opened the stall on a mad or scared bull. A few years later I noticed myself responding to that very same approach.
Beneath the surface, men are the romantic ones. Your man wants to deepen his love and affection with you. Harsh tones transform him into a mad beast that views you as the enemy. Warm tones transform him into a man who will eagerly take on any challenge on your behalf.
You can transform your man into the person with whom you want to spend your life. Just remember to open your heart before you open your mouth. Bathe your guy in soft, sweet energy. Use your hands to mold his body and mind into the beautiful creature you enjoy.
If you domesticate a man you will soon grow tired of him. Learn to transform him instead by embracing his wild nature, and then winning his willing compliance. Develop voice tones and qualities of touch that soothe the savage. Show him by example how to put away his word weapons and merge into the oneness that fills your home with happiness.

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