Saturday, October 31, 2009

Let Your Heart Do the Talking

Men are animals. Well, technically, all people are members of the animal kingdom. And like all animals, humans respond more deeply to touch and movement than to words. That is why it is often better to use loving touch when you want to get through to your man.
Women frequently complain that their men won’t talk to them. What they mean is that men don’t talk like women. When women get together they seem to easily find words for how they feel. Men seem more likely to clam up.
In my experience men love to talk. They long to share their feelings. But they fear harming the ones they love. Their protective nature often makes them choose silence as a strategy to avoid conflict. Silence is our way of restraining our killer instinct. Men are born to protect their families by fighting. Our ancient brains evolved to insure the survival of our women and children on the savannah. Even today little boys imagine sticks as swords and fingers as guns. We nurture a deep secret need to be heroes to those we love. But we never want our capacity for violence to injure those we love. So we hold back our feelings to avoid escalating conflict that could bring out the fighter.
When we train courses for women they tend to listen carefully and play along to see what they can pick up. Men’s courses are different. Most guys prefer to argue and to challenge every word, as if talk were an attack. The difference is striking. Women use words to gather information. Men use words as weapons to claim territory for the hunt.
So, ironically, if you want to speak intimately with your man, you might want to try not speaking at all until you have soothed him with soft sounds and gentle caresses. Gentle touch creates gentle men. Quiet, receptive words assure your man that the battle is over--he can surrender into your loving appreciation.
I grew up on a farm, so I learned early that you calm animals with the voice and the hands. “Easy, easy now”, my grandfather would say before he opened the stall on a mad or scared bull. A few years later I noticed myself responding to that very same approach.
Beneath the surface, men are the romantic ones. Your man wants to deepen his love and affection with you. Harsh tones transform him into a mad beast that views you as the enemy. Warm tones transform him into a man who will eagerly take on any challenge on your behalf.
You can transform your man into the person with whom you want to spend your life. Just remember to open your heart before you open your mouth. Bathe your guy in soft, sweet energy. Use your hands to mold his body and mind into the beautiful creature you enjoy.
If you domesticate a man you will soon grow tired of him. Learn to transform him instead by embracing his wild nature, and then winning his willing compliance. Develop voice tones and qualities of touch that soothe the savage. Show him by example how to put away his word weapons and merge into the oneness that fills your home with happiness.

Monday, September 7, 2009

How To Talk to Men - Cultivating Desire

Desire is the primal, magnetic force that bonds men and women. You are your most authentic, fascinating self when you are alive with desire. Every man has a powerful, innate response to the pleasure of a woman. When you are “on”, your laughter, your movements, and your voice are like honey to the bee. No matter what age or stage of life you are living, you can cultivate the desire that makes you attractive to the opposite gender.

Men are trained from early on that desire is the core ingredient in winning. Every aspiring athlete can quote the coaches who turned him on to the importance of desire. Guys tend to be less ashamed of their desires. But few women have embraced their lusty, forceful nature. You know their names--Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Paris Hilton. The boldness of these iconic figures flows directly from their ability to feel comfortable with going after what they want.

What you say to men and about men is less important than the energy behind it. When your words flow from your vital force, your speech has power. Cultivating desire flies in the face of tradition. Religion, education, and media demonize the fulfillment of desire and lionize delay of gratification.

Seduction is the suppression of desire. Seduction can be fun when people use it with others to create a feeling of need or longing. But those power hungry organizations use seduction to capture and control human attention. They survive by promising something later for those who forgo pleasure now. Religion offers heaven. Education promises the status of a degree. Media promises suspense and romance.

Watching other people pretend to enjoy passion can never replace real-time pleasure. True enjoyment of the senses requires profound relaxation and release from stress and strain. Breaking free from the masculine-oriented culture of hard work and strenuous effort requires a special kind of discipline. You have to focus on the activities that ease your breathing and make you visibly glow with aliveness. Lightness of being releases endorphins that erase fear and pain, as well as ocytocin than opens your heart. As you learn to follow your feminine nature, you find the inner peace that marks the domain of women. Sensual delight soothes the emotions and awakens the senses. As your mind clears, you begin to feel the warmth in your heart and the fire in your belly.

To exchange pressure for pleasure, you have to schedule plenty of rest and recreation. Let go of false goals that enslave your attention. As you learn to make vitality your most important priority, your increasing aliveness casts men in a new light. Along side their brutal nature you begin to sense the deeply protective quality that brings you together. You remember how easy it is to win their cooperation. When you bring your sweet nature into your relationship, petty quarrels dissipate. Connection expands and boundaries dissolve. There is no man. There is no woman. There is only human--being infinite love.